Saturday, February 27, 2010

lonely god.

I became one of them. I just wanted to fit in. I became one of the beasts slithering and swirling, twirling around the abyss. The abyss was full of them and yet, they still clambered to the top, always to the top, standing on one another and falling back down, time and time again. Did they not realize how much it would hurt to escape?

On the outside, I had been, looking in, but never being within. A lonely man with a brooding past, how much had I to offer at last? Was it my fault that I couldn’t speak the same, or laugh, or play or obey the same? Is it my fault that my voice was stronger than the others, that my mind was firmer than those around me? Did it hurt you to know that I could achieve? I just wanted to fit in, once more.

But like a god, I slew you with my words, my booming voice. I did not plan to this, nor did I ever have want of such a thing, but why did you still reject me? You all ran away from me, or you shunned me in my actions. I only ever walked toward; I only ever tried to embrace. Yet, with hammer and fist had I been met, time and time again. Threatened me away, showed me out and out I went, away in company. A star brighter than those around it is easier to alienate.

So, I became a god and a god I did walk, until I was toppled. Upon my knees, which bled, I watched and then crawled and then I was slain.

The lonely god.

Among the scurf of realization, lay me among the low green seas. Relapse and continue, thought process brimming with the flow of decades. Knowledge belittled to just a small wonder as emotion heightens and explodes within me. The perception of perception is the aimless unknowing. What we deny as real can become real and objects are only thought driven. The image of an image is a fallacy and the justified is never rectified.